Restless

I don't know if it's b/c of being busy or just plain writer's block, but my poetry this summer was not very prolific. Here's one I wrote a couple of weeks ago, somewhat reflecting how I've felt lately. I always feel restless by August, but this year I feel particularly anxious to get back to my hectic education. I don't know why.
By the time you read this, I will probably feasting on some delicious and authentic dim sum in 'Frisco's Chinatown! :)

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Running

I write poetry fairly often. I would consider myself a very mediocre poet, and my biggest flaw is that I lack variety. I cover a limited range of topics, mostly abstract themes or concrete imagery that is easily described, like nature. Nevertheless, here's my most recent poem that I quickly wrote over the weekend.

Running

You are running in circles
on crooked paths
in mysterious spaces.
Running a race against
time, life, society.
You are fleeing the scene
of pointless existence
and searching for another way.

You don't want to stop,
pace yourself, think.
You are running from
the confines of limitations,
empty dreams, fruitless priorities.
What will you find beyond
the grain of the ordinary?

You are afraid of the
challenges ahead.
You don't want to
throw caution to the wind.
You want to stop running,
to turn back and face reality.
But you keep running,
even if it leads to uncertainty.
You keep running, even though
you don't know where to go.
You keep running, even if
you can't run any further.

But why do you run if
you're running from the inevitable?
Maybe it's better to stand still.
~~~~~~~~~

Live-writing coming tomorrow.

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George Gray

I have studied many times
The marble which was chiseled for me--
A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
In truth it pictures not my destination
But my life.
For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;
Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;
Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
And now I know that we must lift the sail
And catch the winds of destiny
Wherever they drive the boat.
To put meaning in one's life may end in madness,
But life without meaning is the torture
Of restlessness and vague desire--
It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.
~From Spoon River Anthology, by Edgar Lee Masters

Spoon River Anthology is an interesting collection of poems where each selection is a statement made by a dead person. Edgar Lee Masters found the inspiration for these epitaphs while walking around in a cemetery of his native Lewistown, Illinois, on the banks of the Spoon River. In English class the other day, we analyzed this particular poem, "George Gray", as a representation of the utmost metaphorical expression, but it also embodies the stark realities of living. The narrator, presumably Mr. Gray, seems remorseful over the results of his life. He regrets his passive existence and his reluctance to stretch his limits and go the distance. He describes the sailboat that adorns his tombstone and feels it does not symbolize the peace of his death but rather the stillness of his life. And then, he addresses the age-old question of finding the purpose of life. The sailboat serves as a metaphor for his potential (living life without inhibitions) and the actuality (not taking charge or moving forward).
This poem struck me because despite its short length, it conveys so much about a theme that all humanity shares: finding the meaning of life. We are all determined to discover the answer to this timeless dilemma. It worries us but guides us in our endeavors. Without that question, it leaves us with no direction, no sense of purpose in life, no reason to persevere. But to grasp that question sometimes requires the inner demons to unleash. It drives us to all kinds of places and states of mind. It scars us emotionally or even physically. It turns some of us into maddening fury and incredible suffering. Essentially, there is a fine line between enjoying the struggles and letting them completely consume us and weaken the spirit.
Life needs movement and progress. Sometimes, fate controls all, but other times, we need to be the enablers, the forces that shake the world. Being passive is simply not an option. But, when do you step out in the open, and when do you hold yourself back? We will always have regrets of not allowing ourselves to move away from familiar things, but how do you overcome them? How can they not affect your choices?
Life without meaning, life without an enigma to solve, life without an unexpected journey; these cannot be. But there always must be limits, but where? What are the roadblocks we ultimately cannot topple? And, how do we find the true meaning of life? These are the endless inquiries of the human race.

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